Archive for the ‘Funny Stories about East Africa’ Category

As for the ex-landlord, he has agreed to pay some money, but not all. And it appears that he can hold me to a quote I sent him via email, but I can not hold him to an email I was sent acknowledging what I am owed for the fencing I put up! Hmmm… So, still up in the air, this is exactly how everything goes in Kenya, slow, very, very slow! If anyone ever needs to learn patience they must come to Kenya to live.

Now for the Kenyan story: My future son in law to be, Eddie, was on a job and driving back from upcountry with his driver, Steven. They were on a notoriously bad road. The driving in this country is the worst I have ever seen, and I have traveled to many 3rd world counties. You must always be so careful when over taking here, it is how many people die as although there are laws, the only laws that seem to apply are the individuals’ own laws in his or her head.

Steven was behind a matatu (public minibus transpiration) and the matatu was behind a Bus. The matatu had his indicator on to over take the Bus, he started to pull out only to pull back in and start to go off the other side of the road, looking as if he had a passenger ready wanting to get out. Steven started to accelerate to then over take the bus, when out of no where the matatu came back into his lane and side swiped Steven and Eddie, then the matatu speeds up and starts to leave the scene.

Eddie suggest to Steven that he will just take the license plate number and they can report it! Steven would have nothing to do with this as quite rightly number plates are often not registered or are just fake, so they proceeded to chase the matatu. Eddie was now on a white-knuckle ride of his life and thinking, “Oh my this is not for me.” Eddie kept asking Steven to stop as it wasn’t worth their lives, but Steven was holding to his resolve on this one. No one in his mind would get away with crashing in to the company car! And he knew, as we all do, most companies will take the damage out of your salary or fire you!

Steven was now right behind this matatu and they were in a part of town no one wants to be in, Eddie was now saying his prayers and Steven was hell bent on getting his man!

Finally the matatu had cornered him self in a back alley somewhere which was blocked off and he had no where to go!

Steven jumps out of the car and runs over to the matatu, unbelievably the owner of the matatu was also in it! After many words in Kikuyu, Steven is now pulling the owner out of the matatu by his shirt! And drags him in to the car and throws him in it! Eddie was standing outside while all this was happening in case Steven need back up, so when the owner was thrown in, Eddie got in next, then Steven got back in the car!

They were now on their way to the police station. They arrived dragged this man out and walked in the station. They filed their report and justice was served up a platinum platter!

Steven was satisfied, Eddie was still in a bit of shock, but all ended well and Steven job was secured.

This is not normally what we do, but then again, it is not normal to have an African that would rather die then let someone get away with breaking the law! Well Done men.

Hope everyone has a great week. xxx

Thank you Eddie for approving your story for my BLOG! Mwah xxx


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My, Oh My, Oh My, how certain people can lie with a straight face is so amazing to me! A brief update for you as the issue between my ex-landlord and me is still on going ON!

My morning started by me receiving a call from the Karen Police. The officer started by yelling at me to get down to the Karen Police station immediately because a complaint was filed against me by ex-landlord.

I explained to the officer that I had filed a report on him last Thursday and it is my ex-landlord who is expected to be at the Karen police station; I gave him the head of police investigations number at Karen, Then the officer hung up on me. Guess he hadn’t been paid enough to get into it with another police station! Lol…

I then called the Langata Police man that I had been dealing with and told him about the phone call, he said to ignore it and just be at the station at 4pm and my ex-landlord would be there and he would call Karen Police station and explain.

We (my male friend and I, when you are a woman in Kenya, and not powerful, bring a man, as Kenyan men look down on woman) arrived, and then the ex-landlord arrived soon after. We went in to a small-cemented room with one window and broken chairs, my chair didn’t have a back support, and it was more like a stool. I knew the ex-landlord had done something, because the police investigator who promised me he would be there, wasn’t and when I called him he said he went to lunch, even though I called him earlier and he promised me he would be there.

The ex-landlord starting spewing out lies about me that were so outrageous I had to laugh. Every time I tried to counter him and prove he was lying to the police officer, the police officer asked me to be quiet, hmmm Really? I wasn’t quiet. This went on for an hour, only to be told I had to go to the Karen police station to resolve the complaint he filed against me. And that my complaint against him was to be put aside, this is Kenya for you when it comes to women’s rights. And who has the most money to pay people off. I don’t believe in paying bribes, which can make life very difficult here, but at least I can rest my head on the pillow at night. I hope I am never put in a position where I will have to pay a bribe, hence never say never.

When my male friend and I arrived at the Karen the police station, I proved I was in the right and the ex-landlord stood down. Unfortunately that did not mean he paid me what he owed me. So, the saga continues, and my ex-landlord did not succeed in having me arrested, arrogant little man that he is, one small victory for me.

My male friend and ex-landlord are meeting this week to hopefully finalize everything.

For those of you who don’t understand why I would step out of the picture, it is simple politics, and it bores me to no end, but I have learned, I don’t have to fight all my own battles, and it makes it easier on everyone involved when dealing with the men in this country, bring in a bigger man. Lol… D.I.A. Dis –Is –Africa or D.B.A. Dis Be Africa.

I have no idea which way this will end up! But, I do know, we haven’t heard the end of it! As my daughters’ soon to be Mother in law said to me, Kikuyu’s hate to part with money, whether it is theirs or someone else’s! And she is half Kikuyu! LOL, god bless her, as she said again, my Kamba side is stronger than my Kikuyu side! LOL. She is a wonderful woman, and she and I joke how conmen always come after her and evil men always come after me! Ah, the life…. To continue, as soon as I know the out come! God Bless everyone! xxx

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Hello Beautiful People, Please forgive me for taking so long to write. These last few weeks have proved themselves to be life affirming.

Robbers attacked very close family friends of mine, on the eve of Easter. Two had guns, plus 4 other men. One gunman put his gun to my friends’ head, a 17-year-old young man, we’ll call him ‘M’ (don’t want to disclose names).

M had the gun at his head first and was walked in to the house with the other gunman and robbers, he remained calm until the second gun was put to his father’s head. M grabbed his gunman’s gun, while they struggled and both men’s hands were on the gun, he muscled the gun to point towards the other gunman who had his gun pointed at his father head and then through the struggle that gun was fired and shot the second gunman.

The bullet went through the robbers’ stomach and hit his dad’s wrist. His Dad will be fine, the gunman didn’t make it. The 17-year-old got the gun out of his gunman’s hands and all the other robbers fled.

This is a very short version, but really not my story to tell, more to explain what can happen here and to also help people understand the strength of conviction our children are raised with here.

This doesn’t happen all the time, but we are raised to be ready for anything, and obviously most of the time you do as they say and give them what they want, but M knew these gunmen were not there to just take money and things and he did what he had to, in order to save his father. The police have ‘shoot to kill’ orders for these remaining robbers.

Also going on during this time was our move, the unpacking, the settling in, and my ex-landlord who is giving me hassles, threatening me (a very real thing in this country), ignoring my emails, calls and text messages as the poor little man does not want to part with the money he owes me! This is not unusual in Kenya, as getting your money back from certain individuals is like ripping a dinosaur out of the tar pits.

I have tried, being polite, showing kindness, presented proof of all documents explaining how much he owes me and why. But, he is one of those men who thinks by threatening me I will meekly walk away with my head down, poor chap doesn’t know me very well.

I went to the police station last Thursday and reported him, and the police agreed I could have him arrested on many different charges, but we all agreed to wait till today to see if he would come around. He hasn’t, which means back to the station this afternoon as they will have to bring him in. This should be interesting. Many things can happen in this situation, we’ll just have to wait and see and pray for a positive outcome. I will keep you posted on the turn of events with this story.

On a positive note Savanah and I love our new, yet old colonial house. It still needs much work, but we are used to that. The animals are settled in and Joyce my amazing house lady is thankful to have bigger staff quarters for her and her three children.

I know this is not one of my funny adventures, but I was asked by my friends here in Kenya to also share the other side of living in this beautiful country. To help people understand why we work hard, party hard and appreciate everyday.

God Bless and Lots of Love to Everyone…

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Hello Beautiful People, Just a quick update. We are moving tomorrow, so I went over to the new house yesterday to see how the work had progressed. The toilets in the staff quarters, not done. The electrical wires, still hanging down the wall. The floors still not finished. But, the good news the fence only had one whole left to be fixed. When you live here one must leave their idea’s of promptness behind them, as Kenyans lives on a whole different time line. LOL. I called the landlord and asked very politely, “When will everything be ready?” the response “Dont worry Tana, everything will be ready.” Translation, when they get to it. So one thinks to themselves, ok don’t worry, I will put in a portable camping toilet, keep dogs out of rooms with hanging wires and dogs will live inside till fence fixed LOL… This will work for a tad bit. xxx

I want to Thank everyone for their continued support of my BLOG.

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After on amazing summer holiday spent at the coast with my beautiful daughters and friends, it was time to drive back to Karen in our 25 year old Land Cruiser.

Now normally it may take people anywhere from 5 to 8 hours but our dear old vehicle took us at least 10 hours. Slow and easy but always home safe and sound.

This year on our way home we had 6 teenagers with us all exhausted from two weeks of parties and fun.

About 6 hours in to the drive in the far off distance I saw a Policeman and yes he was waving me down. When I got close enough to him I pulled over. “Hello Sir, how can i help you?” I asked. To which he replied, “ Hello Madam. I am afraid you were speeding and I will have to impound your vehicle.” I laughed to myself as he didn’t have one of those speed reading machines and I had to think fast as we were literally in the middle of no where.

“Oh Thank you officer,” I said. This confused him, and he looked at me strangely. I continued to explain myself to him. “Sir, do you have any idea what it is like driving hours on the road with 6 teenagers who are hungry and tired? So, thank you! please take the car and please make sure there are enough beds for all the teens and plenty of food, oh and would you please call all their parents and let them know where they can collect their children, from your phone as I don’t have enough credit.” I then smiled.

He just looked at me and literally scratched his head. “Madam, I think we can come to another arrangement.” We both smiled, I handed him the crisps that I had on the seat and wished him a good night and drove off. While driving away we started laughing concluding yet another great holiday.

Hope you enjoyed this little story and please leave me a comment on this story or tell me one of your own! Have a wonderful fun filled day! xxx T

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Hello Everyone, I will be posting funny short stories and some very real stories about Kenyan police. For those of you who don’t know, most of our police do not have vehicles, they stand on the side of the road and wave you over to stop you! They also shoot first AND then ask questions!

I was very politely waved off the road by the police officer. They must have a special class they take while training for law enforcement as every single one of them have the look of doom on their face when they first see you.

“Hello Sir, How is your day?” Then I smile.

“Fine Madam.” I smile and he smiles back, this is a good sign.

“Is everything ok?” Keep the smile on.

“I need a lift to Karen, will you please drop me”

“Off course, hop on in”

Make friends with the nice officer and hope he remembers you were the nice Mzungu (white person), they usually do.

This is common practice in Kenya.

Hope you have a few giggles with me and please leave a comment and tell me some of your stories.

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Hi Everyone, Here is my latest story, this one kept the girls and me talking for years to come. I posted in the ‘4 GO WILD’ tab.

“I kept calling out “hear kitty kitty” more to amuse myself and also give any game a heads up”

Hope you enjoy it. xxx

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