Hello Beautiful People, Below I have posted my future Son-in-laws (Eddie) Camp Questions and Answers. I found this to be hysterical, as it is so true. Please know his answers are how most of us in this field would like to answer our guest after living in the bush 3 months straight, answering the same questions for the 400th time , but we are all very professional and have to keep these thoughts to ourselves. Maybe those of you who are coming to visit this amazing country in the future will have many of your questions answered here. If you would like to add some questions, please do, I will be more then happy to answer any questions on camp life, safari or life in Kenya for you in a professional manner, I promise. Hope everyone not in this field can appreciate the humor in the below Question and Answer statements. Huge Hugs to everyone, Tana
Why don’t lions just jump in the vehicle and eat you?
Contrary to what you may have seen in movies, lions are not on a mission to consume all human life. In fact wherever possible they would rather avoid you. It is they that view us as a threat and will, in most cases, run away if they can. They largely ignore you in a vehicle because they see the car as a barrier if you will: you are safely inside your cage and can therefore can do no damage to them. You are not seen as meals on wheels.
Can we get out and take photos with the lions?
Sure, why not? You’ve signed your waiver and release form and obviously have no understanding of the term ‘WILDlife’ so go ahead and I’ll write up a report for the Darwin Awards.
Can elephants run?
The common answer to this is no. However, running is far more complicated than simply having all your feet off the ground at one time and involves things like transfer of kinetic energy in the limbs. Recent study shows that when elephants travel at full speed they somehow manage to run and walk at the same time, in fact they run with their front legs and walk with their back, or the other way round according to some. Basically scientists can’t agree so I don’t know, but what you need to know is that they will easily outrun/walk you whichever way they do it.
Why is it raining?
This involves all sorts of complicated things about weather systems and such, but by your tone of voice I deduce you are implying that I am somehow responsible for this unseasonable downpour. You’re right of course, I apologise, I do control the weather and chose this moment for it to rain so you could sit there and give me grief.
Will we get to see alligators in the river?
(Sigh) No we do not have alligators in Africa; they exist solely in the Americas. What we have here are crocodiles. I could explain the difference but you will forget it so I won’t bother, just accept that there is one.
Are there snakes here?
There are snakes just about everywhere except Antarctica although for some reason they couldn’t quite tolerate Ireland either. This is Africa, this is the bush so yes there are snakes. You are unlikely to see any but they exist and no they are not all waiting to ambush you.
What about spiders?
Ditto, except for the Ireland bit, you’re not safe there either.
Would the lions come into the tent?
No, and sleeping next to the zip won’t put you in a more dangerous position. Even if they did want to eat you their grasp of the zip mechanism is fairly limited.
What do we do if there’s a lion outside our tent?
Be very polite, laugh with and not at, remember to say please. No, just stay put. It will leave, especially after hearing your scream.
We saw a jaguar in a tree
No you did not. I’ll make this clear: jaguars – South America; leopards – Africa… and Asia as well but let’s keep it simple.
Is this local beef/chicken/lamb/vegetables/fruit?
Why yes; Kenya is surprisingly capable of producing its own food and it tastes great. Actually the veggies you purchase from your local supermarket are most likely from here too so it should make you feel right at home.
How does your cook come up with these meals?
I’ll ask him, I suspect it’s magic.
How does one approach the Maasai?
They’re people; treat them as such and the outcome will be wonderful.
Do the Maasai still kill lions?
Not legally.
But does that mean…
No comment.
What would your askaris do if a lion walked into camp?
Would the answer to this question make you feel any different about your stay here? If the answer to that is ‘yes’ then they would chase them away fearlessly. If your answer is ‘no’ then nothing.
How bad is malaria?
Bad, but not that bad. Quick treatment and you’ll get over it pretty quickly, but given that you’d probably only develop symptoms back home where a diagnosis would require a ‘tropical disease’ specialist, I’d say keep taking your Malarone.
Why are the lions roaring?
Despite what you’re feeling they are not planning an all-out killing spree on the camp. Roaring is simply communication between pride members, however bowel-loosening the sound may be.
Is the Maasai language a different dialect to Swahili?
They are entirely different languages with no connection whatsoever, and while we’re on the subject there is no such language as ‘African’, just because I speak Swahili it does not mean I can understand Zulu.
We want to see a leopard.
So do I. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Unfortunately they’re a bunch of divas and are very picky about when they show themselves. You’ll just have to hope and deal with it if you aren’t lucky enough to see one.
Can we see Shakira?
Big Cat Diary naming animals is a pain in the rear. Shakira is as special as the next cheetah and so be happy to see any at all. Alternatively I could tell you than any cheetah we see is Shakira and there’s very little you can do to prove me wrong.
How do you find your way around here?
It’s not an innate skill, I’ve been here a long time. Drive around enough and anywhere will become familiar – I don’t know why people find this incredible. I couldn’t begin to find my way around London but you can, because you’ve been there for years. The Maasai don’t have inbuilt GPS, they’ve lived here their whole lives. Are you getting my point?
I can’t quite get my camera to…
That’s because you went and bought an overly expensive piece of equipment that you haven’t the first idea how to use and can’t be bothered to read the instruction manual. It’s highly unlikely that this trip will turn you into a wildlife photographer extraordinaire, so why not get something simpler and more familiar that you can at least use instead of spending half your holiday trying to figure out why the photos are blurry.
Hi Tana!
I love your blog!!! friends who have never been to Africa are amazed and in total disbelief of your stories!!
Hope you are well……
xoxo
Bettina
Hi Bettina, and Thank you for following my BLOG, it has been so much fun. I am well love and hope to see when you are next out here! xxx
Brilliant! I actuall think it would be funny to answer these questions just like this!
Well done Eddie!
Hi Rebecca, I would love to at times, I tell ya!
Eddie say’s thank you for the compliment. x
While I am biased since my wonderful future husband posted this, it is AWESOME, I was laughing the whole way as were all my friends I was reading it to, thanks babe and thank you so much mom for posting it, i do love this blog. Love ya both xxxxt
Hello My Darling, It has been so much fun receiving all the compliments for Eddie, and hearing other peoples questions and Answers on FB. I have been laughing for two days now! I love you xxx
Questions like some of those must drive you to distraction, much patience required, thanks for sharing.
Laughing is good for us, so your post was my daily dose.
Thank you Lindy, You have that right, lol… so happy you enjoyed. x
AHAHAHAHA! this is awesome! i don’t know why i thought that people paying thousands of dollars for their “trip of a lifetime” , to be any smarter (or better educated) than the ones i deal with that come to an animal show for free! i think all of us in the field have those moments where those thoughts run through our mind! thnax for sharing!
Hi Xoa, I remember those days too, when I used to do educational programs with our animals, oh my! And, yes sorry to say wealth does not guaranty brilliance. A friend of mine here who is a spectacular Safari guild and manager just posted to my link a question he gets too often, “Why do giraffe’s have long necks? Is it so they can catch birds??” LOL…
So…this is your future son-in-law? It sounds like you will have plenty of laughs around the dinner table with him! I liked the camera question. I always get a chuckle on vacations when we go scuba diving (or when we’re with the kids, snorkeling) and the tour operators start renting the “really good” and very expensive underwater camera equipment so that the tourists can capture all the amazing underwater images. I have yet to see a good underwater photo from a vacation. My motto: Find it on google images and put those in your scrapbook. They’ll probably be professional and who really cares if it wasn’t actually the same exact fish or lion that is in the photo? (I mean…seriously…20 years from now do you really want to look through 100 photos of blurry fish?).
Hey Lisa, I just love Eddie to bits, he is a wonderful man. As for the camera question, it is so true. If people who are not professional or avid photographers, I always suggest to guest coming out to stick to auto lenses and light weight. It should be a fun experience and not stressful. I also agree with what you said, with that said, it is always nice to have the photos of yourself and family on any adventure, so make it simple. 😉 Huge hugs babe! xxx
That was LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY! I was literally cracking up. I wish I had been a fly on the wall. Keep them coming!
Hey Kristen, thank you for stopping by! More will be coming, lol… xxx
Tana,
Sooooooooooooo funny! Thanks for the comic relief! My friends have all really appreciated it. What fun you will have with him in the family. 🙂
Tana~
Well, I see this is a later blog. I’m new at this, so I’m working my way through it. I hope you get one of my “replies”! Everything sounds so great with you. I’ll need to get caught up. I can’t believe you’re going to have a son-in-law!!!! The girls are all grown up…..doesn’t seem possible. I have been thinking about you sooooooo much, especially lately. Hope to hear from you. How’s your Mom? So much to ask you. I’ll have to work my way through your whole site. It’s fantastic. You’re just as talented as both of your parents…..I knew you would be!!!
Lots of love,
Patti
OMG Auntie Patti, I will email you just now! How exciting to hear from you after so long and thank you for all the kind words. Love you, Tana
Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!
Thumbs up, and keep it going!
Cheers
Christian, iwspo.net
Thank you Christian.
Hey Tana,
Maybe you could get Edward to post some more on Best Camping Spots in Kenya. I’m also trying to re-do our late dad’s book “Camping In Kenya” to help guys out on what to do, where to go and what to carry and lots of other hints…but Ed’s more with it so it’ll be nice to get more interesting information on camping spots…
Hugs,
Jackie xxx
Hey Jack’s, I will ask Eddie and see what he says, with Tiva coming home I doubt he will have time right away? LOL…. but I am sure he would love to put something together later. xxx
nice ones. They feel somewhat familiar as I’ve developped my own with passengers. A league of their own too before they boardsafari vehicles and carry on their brainless attitude…