Dear Beautiful People,
Apologies for the long break in my blogging. It has been a year of learning, losing and recreating.
Bullet pointing this time:
- My eldest daughter Tiva married the love of her life (Eddie) after graduating with distinction and making the Deans list, from Rhodes University.
- My darling friend and house lady Joyce lost her daughter to bacterial meningitis.
- My once friend Dawn, is no longer a part of my life.
- My Mum passed.
- Rian moved to Australia to continue university.
- Savanah my youngest continued her Gap year and then went to work in the South of France.
These are just a few of the major things that I will mention, there was more and it kicked my bottom to say the least, but all better now.
My AMAZING Mum passed away in March of this year! She had moved back to Kenya to be with her Grandchildren and me. We were led to believe she would be around for at least another two to three years, but unfortunately it was just under four months.
When my Mum and I knew her time was nearing I called her Doctor to come check on her (Yes, wonderful Kenyan Doctors still do house calls). He walked in to my Mum’s room and said “Hi, Toni how are you today?” In perfect clarity, and with her continuous humor she replied, “Hi, finally are you here to ‘put me down’ ?” with a wicked little smile on her face. Of course I cracked up and the sweet Doctor was dumb struck, I quickly explained our animal background to him and he got the joke, even giggled himself and replied “No, Dear.”
When I knew Mum only had a few days left I sent out a message to all her friends and family from around the world and asked them if there were any “Good Byes” they would like to send and assured them I would read her each one. The response was overwhelming. I never expected hundreds of emails; with such heart felt concern, love, blessing, and wonderful stories about them and her. Between my daughters and I we managed to read each and every one. It was a transcending experience for us all, and my Mum heard and loved each one.
Soon after, all my daughters left home one by one to go out into the world and I was left at home completely alone for the first time after 23 years! This was not fun; I started to talk to the animals more then normal, I am sure I looked like a crazy person. I became a couch potato and dove in to all the DVD’s I could muster, it was glorious for a week, then my darling house lady, and friend (Joyce) became concerned. “Tana, we need food for the house honey.” I sent her to do the shop! Something she had never done before and she was not amused, but afraid of the crazy woman on the couch with dogs and a cat sitting with her, I am sure taking on the task of a shop was much more plausible then getting my depressed bottom out of the sitting room let alone the house. I did arise from my couch aka throne a couple of days later and went on the next shop with Joyce, and we had a wonderful time and even took some extra time to grab lunch and enjoy being out.
Although this has been a trying year I always try to take the positive from it, not easy to do right away, but I always succeed. As I was raised that way, these words echo in my head from my parents, “Tana, turn nervous energy into Exciting energy,” “Don’t mourn a natural death, as it is just a rebirth into a new life,” “Appreciate the time you have had with people and animals as they all come and go in and out of lives, let them go.” With these words, which I hold close, some people feel I come across cold and uncaring, but it is the exact opposite. I am so loving and caring that it would hurt me to think any other way, so I have embraced these beliefs so that I can always move forward in a positive way.
My daughter Rian has started her own Blog called LoquaciousRambling at: http://loquaciousrambling.wordpress.com/2012/07/09/the-helfer-club-5/ When you have a moment take a look, she is an amazing writer, like her Nana (Toni Ringo Helfer Law). Rian also started a new Facebook page called Ralph HelferBooks at: http://www.facebook.com/RalphHelferBooks please note if you write in the search Ralph Helfer it will appear and it has the ZAMBA book cover as the Wall picture. I am also excited about this FB page as it will give people a chance to do Q&A with us about the history of our family working with and living with the amazing animals that we were blessed to have as a part of our lives.
Huge Hugs,
XXX
Great blog Tans, I will continue to follow and keep up on my girls… I’m only sorry I didn’t know you were reading emails to Tone Tones I would have loved to write. I feel very blessed that I got to see her the week before she left and we talked on the phone almost up to the day she left. I miss her like crazy and I’m sure she and Stevie are laughing that wonderful laugh they had and telling stories about all of us! Love you..
Hey Teri, Thank you for reading my post. I am sorry that you were not informed about the emails, Christopher and I in the moment of realizing what was happening, rushed to contact friends and family and obviously missed some very close ones at the time. It was not intentional by any means. Yes, I am sure the two of them are having a grand time! Love you xxx
Dearest Tana,
It is so good to read your blog and be part of the energy of your family. I have been meaning to write for months and this give me a chance to let you know that I am thinking about you and the girls. I loved you mom so much. She was a warrior, a friend, a touchstone. I had no idea that I could send her a message, but I so love that many friends and family surrounded her with so much love. I will be attending her memorial next Sunday in Costa Mesa, CA. I will be holding you in my heart. – xo, Marilyn
Hi Marilyn, so wonderful to hear from you! Please read my reply to Teri above your comment, I believe. as the same statement goes out to you too. I know my Mum loved you dearly and was so impressed with all that you have accomplished and continue to do. Huge hugs and love, please stay in touch. xxx
Hi Tana,
You have certainly had a year of it! You are such a good writer yourself that I find myself lost in your words and seem to feel your emotion. Tears in my eyes for the loss of your Mum but giggles at her comment to the doctor. Keep up the writing. Perhaps they will all turn into a book or even a movie someday. Enjoy life!!!
So good to see you writing again
Hugs,
Vicki
Hey Vicky! Thank you and from your lips to Gods ears <3 xxx lots of love
Hello dear Tana,
I’m sorry I had no idea your mum was ill. I think of your mom a lot – mostly laughing or making the elephants laugh. She would go out to the pen and say ‘hey you crazy elephants’ and they would roar and toot and giggle. A sounds I’ve never heard before or since. Do you do that? and I think I told you about the time Boone Naar came in the office to show us the tricks Eve learned in her BattleStar Galactica robot dog suit. I see so clearly your mum and dad, laughing so hard, we truly truly, all of us, had tears rolling down our faces. It was even hard to stay upright. So hilarious. That was a bright spot in my life. Thank you and many blessings to all of you. You are amazing – just like your mum. Hugs to your daddy, and Cathy too if you see her.
Thank you Shannon, We all had some great moments. Will pass on the messages. x
Heya Madre, I love what you wrote and more importantly I love that you are writing again. Laughed so hard when I read that you were talking to the animals more than normal- because we always talk to them so you must have been chatting their little ears off! lol I think Nana’s passing impacted so many people outside of our family and its important that they know she went in a good way and was with you and I think what you write provides closure for people. Everyone knows her death impacted me for so long and it was your encouraging words that helped me get through it. Our family has always believed that the only thing all people have in common is death so there is no point about dwelling on it, just need to accept it, appreciate the life, celebrate the life, and find love in the time that a person had here on earth. I love you so much and miss u insanely xxxx AaF xxx